Monday, December 04, 2006

Back to School...

A local passed this onto to me in the form of an e-mail and thought it would be a good "Study-Plan" for our Junior Senator...

LITTLE JIMMY BLUNDERS BACK TO SCHOOL PARTY

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy…Perhaps we should pause to review some basics before you venture out any further into the swamp that will surely eat you.

First, let me just say that while I certainly am not in favor of your being in office, I have come to accept the fact and am willing to offer you periodic advice and counsel to help you make the transition a smoother one for yourself. My intention here is to try to save you from yourself so that those that don’t share my desire to try to unite as a Commonwealth will have less fodder from you to feed on.

Your recent behavior at a White House reception with President Bush was far from that of a statesman and was an all-around disappointment to those who had actually believed your bi-partisan rhetoric. Your apparent need to be the first to pee on the fencepost unfortunately made you only look like the plebe with the biggest head.

Now that you know that I’ll be watching, let’s begin with today’s tutorial.

Lesson #1: Basic Principles of Respectful Behavior
This one seems to need some serious polishing, Jimmy, so I recommend you concentrate. The problem, as I see it, was that school was not yet in session and the textbooks had not even been cracked when you had somehow already managed to offend the principal. Not a good way to begin paving the path toward graduation. I understand your tendency to bully, but it is neither attractive nor beneficial. Surely, someone has explained to you along the path of life, certainly along the military avenue, that there is such a thing as chain of command. You are a recruit, Jimmy. Whether or not you even manage to complete the program remains to be seen. The commander-in-chief (that’s the top of the chain, in case you’re rusty) offered a measure of respect and decency to you by inquiring about the well-being of your loved one. Even if he had asked about the bunion on your right toe, the correct answer would have been something like, “I’m very proud of my bunion, sir, thank you”. See. Not difficult at all and even you won’t have to rehearse much to become effective with this line of politeness. If you manage some restraint in your behavior, you may just be around long enough to actually discuss your issues with the President and wouldn’t it be novel (and certainly a surprise to all who have followed your campaign) if you were able to actually share with him some of your ideas regarding what we do now. The “Vote for me because I hate George Bush and George Allen said “Macacca”” platform will need a bit of tweaking now that the election is over. Formulating a genuine plan and roster of principles will be something we will cover in another session.

If you’re looking for some Cliff Notes here, try viewing .the photo of President Bush lunching with Nancy Pelosi. It’s not pretty, granted, but it is how things are done.

Lesson #2: Familiarize Yourself With the Agenda
Jimmy, this was an obvious oversight on you part. The event was a reception given by the President. These are two very key words. The first implies that at some point someone will be received. This is the portion of the program where you were supposed to stop trying to play hide and seek and just get in line like an adult. The second clearly defines who it is that you will be receiving. If this gave you such concern, surely you should have stayed home. I know, we all like the little cocktail shrimp and who hasn’t wanted to stuff a White House napkin or two in their pocket to show their friends. However, these perks should never be the lure to sell yourself out. Stand strong, Jimmy. No one is asking you to be something you are not. While we have no idea WHO you are, rest assured, I will help you through the “finding yourself” phase.

No homework tonight. It’s been a tough day.

2 comments:

Momma said...

SMACK!!!

Observer said...

BAD BEHAVIOR ALERT -- WILL THIS MAKE THE NEWS LEADER? WILL IT MAKE SMAC GIRL'S BLOG? WILL G-DOG DO A PHOTOSHOP? WILL MR. S.H. RUN WITH IT? BAD BEHAVIOR ALERT!!!

"Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania met with his successor, Bob Casey, for nearly an hour on Thursday, their longest encounter apart from their televised debates.

"But Mr. Santorum, a Republican whose once-steady rise in politics ended with a resounding defeat, refused to be photographed with Mr. Casey..."

No need to reply, folks, as this is just in fun. I am no more worked up over this than over Senator-Elect Jim Webb's refusal to play kissy-face with President Bush.